Successful New Beginnings

Sue Walsh April 24, 2017

With the emergence of spring and Easter around the corner, we naturally start thinking of growth, development and new beginnings. The dullness of winter is gone, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, gardens are in bloom and we are filled again with happiness and hope.

But what of our New Year Resolutions and ‘start anew’ by improving our health, getting a new job, managing our finances better or focus on leading a happy life? Those dreams, which many put on hold for the last part of the year because we believed come January that we would sort them out? Sadly, for most of us they are long distant memories with many of us repeating the same habits and behaviours within the first week of January. Sometimes this ‘failure’ will put us back even further than we were before because we have resigned ourselves to the fact that we will never be fit, slim or deal with our past.

I have a friend that regularly announces on social media that today is the day she will change her lifestyle, her diet and will re-invent herself and finally emerge into the person she wants to be. Within days, she is posting photos of unhealthy meals, nights out drinking and about the latest disaster from her love life. While I have no doubt at the time of posting she is highly motivated and fully intends to make those changes, why is it then that Jane, and many like her, repeatedly fail where others find success? Studies show that over 80% of people will give up on their New Year’s Resolution within the first few weeks. Yes, a massive 80%. Are we not motivated enough, weak willed or just plain lazy?

So, what are the 5 main reasons for failure?

· Lack of focus brought about by trying to make too many changes all in one go.

· Unreal expectations on how quickly or how much we can change in a short period.

· Focusing on the problem rather than the positive result.

· Self-sabotage.

· Lack of support – going through it alone.

The good news is, now you know the challenges, you can develop new strategies using NLP techniques to help you achieve your desired goals and increase your chance of success significantly.

Developed from modern psychology, NLP is one of the most invaluable and empowering methods to bring about rapid, positive change and transformation for a wide variety of behavioural, psychological and emotional issues. The extensive NLP techniques can be used to help us achieve our goals, build belief and confidence, eradicate fears, phobias and negative thought patterns and beliefs and in addition can effectively tackle past negative experiences and trauma.

Lack of focus

When an architect designs a house or new building he has a vision of what the overall result look like, inside and out, from the top to the bottom. He also knows for the building to remain stable and safe, the ground must first be cleared, the footings dug and the utilities (gas, electric, water) connected. The frame will be added and the floors and staircase built, with the roof, interior design and gardens being finished last. There is an overall goal but it is broken down into manageable stages to insure success. Each stage is completed before moving onto the next one. Focus on one area at a time.

There are often delays due to weather or unforeseen circumstances but he doesn’t give up on the project and abandon it at the first hurdle.

Unrealistic expectations

Just like the architect and builders know the order needed for success in completing a new building, they also don’t attempt to build an entire mansion in a weekend with a spoon and fork.

Be honest with yourself and think about what it is you would like to achieve and what is a safe, realistic timescale. If you currently lead a sedentary lifestyle but would like to improve your fitness and run a marathon you are going to need to take several factors into account to ensure you do that safely:

What time, resources or money do you need to help you achieve this? While walking and running are free, fit for purpose running shoes are not?

When and how often will you train? What time can you and will you dedicate to this? Will you need to get up earlier or arrange any childcare? What events or social activities will you need to cancel to train?

How will you measure your success? What milestones will you put in place? Will you download an app to help you see your improvement?

Are there any adjustments you need to make to your diet so your body is fuelled correctly? Or will you require any supplements?

Many, will read these steps and decide they are too difficult, will take too long or not want to do them. They are in the 80% bracket. And while a few people perhaps could achieve the goal without adequate training, it is unlikely they will achieve it safely and without injury.

To achieve a goal, you need to plan for it. And to plan for it, you need to have a specific goal in mind. Being able to run 5k continuously in 6 weeks is a specific, realistic goal, saying you’ll lose weight isn’t.

Focusing on the problem rather than the positive result

Research shows that people have far more success when they focus on a positive result rather than away from a problem.

What is it you want to achieve? ‘giving up’ smoking’ has a very different meaning to ‘being smoke-free’. The first implies that you will be losing out in some way, the second that you will benefit. How can you turn your goal into a positive?

Self-Sabotage

This may surprise you but self-sabotage is a myth. Self-sabotage is really the excuse you tell yourself, it’s a king of wrongly wired inner dialogue where you tell yourself ‘you can’t’ or that you are ‘not worthy’ or ‘it’s too hard’. Yes running 26.2 miles is hard, doing chair exercises or putting on a pair of trainers and going for a walk isn’t. If your goals are clear, realistic, achievable and well planned then you cannot fail. Yes, I said you cannot fail.

There will be celebrations and parties which may mean you’re eating goes off track, you might get ill and not feel like going for a run, or have a cigarette. But remember that a bad day, week or meal does not mean failure, it means you are human. Accept it for what it is, move on and continue moving forward.

Lack of support

Who will support you in your goal? And who will stand in your way?

By publicly declaring her intentions on social media, Jane hoped it would keep her accountable and felt that she wasn’t ‘Going it Alone’, while there were many reasons for Janes ‘failure’; in reality, she had little support from those around her. Sometimes people around us like to keep us where we are, they don’t want us to ‘rock the boat’ as it helps them to feel comfortable. In addition, it is likely that people got bored of supporting her, knowing she was likely to give up after a few days.

If support is something you are lacking; then where else can you get this? Could you join a gym, running or slimming club? Perhaps you could join an on-line forum or social media group where you can celebrate in each other’s successes and express any concerns or receive guidance.

In addition to these, whether your goal is to improve health and fitness, develop a new career or tackle issues from your past, having a coach or therapist is a great way to explore any blockages holding you back and to develop a clear plan to move forward.

Remember, each small step you take is a step closer to where you want to be. Celebrate your successes.

Finally, think about what you will see, hear, think and feel when you cross that line, get into that dress or get that new job? Visualising the result and the journey to get there can be a powerful catalyst to move you from the 80% of people who fail to the 20% of people who succeed.

Sue is a qualified NLP Practitioner, Hypnotherapist and Life Coach registered with the ANLP. She is a talented coach and therapist who can delve deep to free blockages and behaviours holding you back, freeing you to move forward.

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