Overcoming Shyness

Rebecca Lewis January 23, 2017

Every one of us feels shy at one point or another. But for some people, shyness is such a debilitating concern that prevents them from engaging in social situations and enjoying other people’s companies.

People with uncontrolled shyness fear being rejected or criticised. This is why they try not to communicate with others, and even avoid social events that they love to attend. All these make them feel isolated and lonely, and at risk of developing mental health problems like depression and anxiety.

Overcoming shyness can take time and effort. But there are things you can do. Here are some of them:

Address your inner critic.

A common ground among shy people is that they are highly critical of themselves. Shyness usually arises from having a negative view of oneself. If you think of yourself as being stupid and unlikeable, you will also think about others as having the same thoughts or perceptions about you. Your inner critic can cause so much damage in your emotional health, robbing you of peace of mind and self-esteem. But how can you defeat your inner critic? The best way is to create an inner voice that acts as your own best friend. Start by noticing the good things about yourself and your circumstances. Whenever your inner critic says something negative like you’re unlikeable, remind yourself that ‘you’ liking yourself is what matters.

Stop judging people.

Too often, we feel so shy towards others because we have already made an impression in our minds that these people don’t like us, or that they will never like us. But the truth is you can never read what’s on their minds. It would be unfair judging people this way. Perceive others with an open mind. Their facial expressions and gestures aren’t always a representation of themselves. Once you quit the habit of judging other people’s feelings, you will start to be more open towards communicating and making friends with them.

In a social setting, focus on yourself.

Whenever you are in a social event, try not to focus on others, and what they are thinking about you. Focus on yourself instead. Also, focus on being curious about others. Be curious about why they are there, their hobbies and interests. Be excited about knowing more about them. This shifts your focus from your inner critic and makes it easy for you to generate conversations.

Give yourself a role of making people feel comfortable.

Many people who are socially shy are highly successful professionals. While they feel very confident at work, they tend to lose confidence in situations where their role isn’t defined by their jobs. If you’re like one of them, a good strategy to deal with this is to oblige yourself to have a role. Give yourself a role of helping people feel interesting or liked, or making them feel welcomed.

Social shyness is something you can overcome. You can start with these steps. It is also a great idea to seek help from a professional therapist. Psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy are two of the most effective ones used in overcoming shyness and other mental health concerns.

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