There is NO perfect marriage. No real couples would say they haven’t fought at all. All marriages have ups and downs. Some problems can get resolved overnight. But there are hiccups that take years, and sometimes leave a stain in the relationship.
Don’t let your marriage fall into the ditch. You and your partner both have the responsibility to ensure that the love remains despite the misunderstandings and differences. Seeking help from professional counsellors is one way to save your marriage. But how do you know you have come to the SOS part of your relationship that you already need the intervention of a counsellor? Here are 10 signs. Check if you have any of the following issues with your significant half:
1. Dwindling interests.
If any of you is no longer interested in hearing stories from each other, this is a sign that your marriage is about to paddle in troubled waters. At the start of a relationship, especially during the courtship period, couples enjoy most of the time together because they are in the stage of knowing each other. It’s normal to see a decline in the level of interest but lack of interest could be tragic.
2. Less time together.
Closeness keeps any relationship going. If one or both of you no longer give time for each other that you rarely eat meals together, don’t chat or accompany one another during important events, it is time that you seek professional help. Maybe you used to watch movies together, dine out during Saturdays, and have some bedtime chats. But now, you rarely converse, neither greet each other “good morning” or “good night”.
3. Low sense of passion.
Sex is the fire that keeps a marriage burning. Experts say that couples should not be worried if after a year or so, their sexual drives would decline as it is normal. However, not having sexual intercourse for months could mean something is wrong. If either of the party has been denied of the sexual intimacy they need, it can lead to resentment. Passion and intimacy can be expressed in many other ways such as kissing, holding hands, and hugging.
4. Offending words, frequent bickers and nagging.
Arguing is healthy for an intimate relationship. But there should always be respect. Teasing is normal but when it becomes offending, it could fire up bitterness. If you tend to quarrel over simple matters almost every day, and that misunderstanding causes you to avoid talking to your partner, there is a necessity to seek professional help.
5. Keeping secrets.
Trust is a core value in any marriage. Without trust, love is absent. If either of you seems to be secretive about certain things especially on financial matters, it means the trust is not strong enough.
This is the biggest red flags in married couples. In most instances, this is unforgivable. But being unfaithful doesn’t always mean that the love is gone. Small problems such as lack of interest can lead to resentment which results to finding someone to provide the needed love and affection.
7. Feeling alone
Marriage is not about you and not about your partner. Marriage is about the two of you. Feeling alone within the relationship is tantamount to feeling unhappy. As loneliness seeps in, the knot that binds the two of you gets loose. Eventually, this leads to separation.
8. Acknowledgement of divorce as a solution
Some married couples who aren’t happy about their relationships often think of divorce as the best solution, only to find out they are still in love with each other. Before you seek an attorney, seek a counsellor first. He or she can help you determine whether the issues that are weakening your marriage are still reconcilable or not. Maybe you’re just confused. The therapist can tell.
9. Finding comfort from friends and relatives
This happens to many couples. They choose to confide with friends and relatives about their problems instead of seeking comfort from their significant others first. If you find yourself more contented being with other people instead of your spouse, there is a big problem in your marriage.
10. Physical and emotional abuse
The feelings of resentment, bitterness and anger could lead to physical or emotional abuse which puts the marriage at risk of falling apart. Abuse can lead to sickness and intense mental distress. A marriage counsellor will help you find better options to address this problem.