Sex Dreams – What do they tell you? - Decoding sex dreams and uncovering their deeper meaning

By Lisa Franchi on September 05, 2012

Experts say dreaming about sex doesn’t simply mean a person really longs for sex. It could be something deeper and more meaningful.

You’re sure it was night time but there’s a gleaming light coming from the window. Beside you was a guy you’ve never met before. You were simply talking with each other but out of nowhere, he pulled you and started kissing you in the cheeks down to your neck, caressing your hair, and holding you tight. When you opened your eyes to take a closer view of his face, you got shocked, your heart beating faster. Whew! It was only a dream. But it felt good.

Most of us experienced erotic dreams at one point or another. Sometimes, we find ourselves puzzled and embarrassed after waking up in a sexual dream with a relative, a superstar, friend we never had any feelings for, or someone we don’t even know.

Does this mean we have hidden desires for someone? According to experts, this isn’t actually the case.  

Interpreting Sexual Dreams

The science of interpreting dreams was pioneered by Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung in the early 1900s. Since then, many scientists began uncovering the symbolisms and explanations behind our dreams. Although until today, many experts don’t believe the reliability of decoding dreams, it is becoming a popular intuitive tool among researchers and therapists.

Some experts believe that decoding dream could improve many aspects of life, including one’s sex life. According to Dr Gillian Holloway, a professor of psychology at Marylhurst University at Portland, Oregon, “dreams pick up where our waking attention leaves off”. They also give us some clues on things that we could benefit from recognizing, she added.

Here are some sex dreams encountered by real women. Take a peek on their stories and the way experts analysed such dreams to get an idea on decoding your own erotic dreams and learning from them!

An affair at the horse stable

A woman, who never liked horses, dreamt of riding a horse and being assisted with a married colleague he had a little crush on. She found herself stimulated by the saddle, saying erotic words. But her friend didn’t seem to care. 

Based on expert’s analysis, the woman is likely to feel guilty over her feelings to her colleague. The horse symbolised what she really wanted to do with that person in real life. In addition to this, horses could also mean human vitality. According to experts, women who often dream of neglected horses could mean they are not taking proper care of themselves. Someone who’s thrown off from the horse could be struggling with trust issues, and one who couldn’t catch a colt in her dreams could mean she would like to escape, or suspects that her partner would.

Lesbian romance

A woman dreamed of going to the coffee shop and ordering cappuccino. From afar, a woman caught her attention. She sat beside her and they started talking. When she sipped, the froth spilled over her lips, going everywhere. Then, the woman she was with started licking her cheeks down to her neck and other areas to get off the froth.

According to Pam Spurr, Ph.D., a relationship psychologist in London, this dream manifests the subject’s desire to perform oral sex with someone. A lesbian sex dream could also mean that the woman is embracing a part of her that she lost sight of, or failed to recognise. The other woman could just be a shadow of you, wanting to explore other areas of life.

Family affair

A woman dreams of having sex with his husband’s best friend or brother. She found herself in her own house, getting fond of it but when she woke up, she felt very guilty, convincing she really didn’t cheat on her husband.

A sex dream involving a relative or close friend of her partner means that the woman has some sexual desires that were not yet met. It might mean that the marriage is somewhat boring or dull, suggest Dr Spurr. It is also possible that the woman is longing for an emotional and not sexual intimacy with that person in her dreams, or is focusing on the person’s personality she admires.

Sex dreams – a wakeup call?

Sexual dreams don’t always convey one’s hidden desires and passion. It can have other symbolic meanings, like the examples given above, or, it could be a wakeup call that tells us to look at some areas on our life or in our environment. Sometimes, sex dreams hint us the need to do some lifestyle restructuring.

For instance, a man who grew up deprived by his parents of the fun and enjoyment that childhood brings (because he was pressured to study all the time and get high grades in school), might have sexual dreams that symbolise the longing for relaxation and the need to be released from the mounting pressures of studies, and not really his passion for having sexual intercourse with someone.

Final thoughts…

Interpreting dreams is important not just to satisfy our curiosity but also to understand what they’re trying to tell us. The first step on interpreting a sex dream is to identify the theme. Then, correlate it with your life in general, or with an event or situation in your life. Dreams should not be interpreted on a face value. Look at them as symbols or codes that need to be decoded. You can write your dreams on a journal so you don’t forget the details, and talk to a therapist. A professional dream interpreter can help you find the answers.  


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