No Sex Please! Why More Couples Say They are too tired for Sex

By Rebecca Lewis on August 22, 2012

For most Brits, the best thing to do after a hard day’s work is to collapse on a sofa, grab their iPad or laptop, watch TV, than to lie under the sheets beside their partners. In a study involving 2,700 adults in UK, Weight Watchers found that majority of Brits (51%) struggle to muster energy to have sex with their significant others.

If sex is supposed to make couples happier and closer, why is it that many of them seem to give less importance to their intimate life? Many studies were carried out to determine why some people seem to lack the drive and energy for sex. And it turns out that there are more reasons for this, other than simply being too tired.

Why couples seem ‘too tired’ for sex

In a typical work day, couples rarely have time to sit for hours and talk about their relationship. There are kids who need to be fed before their school bus arrives, and both of them need to rush to their respective workplaces. The same routine happens again tomorrow. With that super long to-do list, sex tends to be the last, sometimes, it isn’t there at all. Most couples are multitasking for extended periods of time that they become too tired for sex, according to Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure.

Simple exhaustion may be, but not the sole reason why married or cohabitating couples seem to give a little attention to their sex lives.

Levin says it could also be boredom. "If you think or feel sex is going to be status quo, it will feel like a chore rather than something that’s satisfying."

Another possible reason is low sex drive. Generally, women have lower sex drive than men. In a study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine (2008), it was found that between one-third and one-half of women experience having low sexual desire at some point of their lives.  

However, some people misconstrue low libido with stress, anxiety, and worry. Health problems, financial difficulties are also linked to low sexual drive in both men and women.

Stress that comes with staying long hours in the office is another reason why intimate couples are less likely to experience joy in bed. In an American survey, over 60 percent of working parents are too tired to have sex with their spouse.

In a Harvard study, scientists gave another reason why sometimes, couples don’t usually perform well in bed. The researchers found that the difference in the biological clock between a man and a woman affects their sex life. Basically, the circadian rhythms of women are 6 minutes behind that of men. This explains that men are normally the early sleepers. But women have faster sleep patterns which explains why insomnia is more common among them than in men. Most women tend to wake up early in the morning while their partners are in sound slumber. This kind of disturbance in their sleeping pattern can lead to a chronic sleep disorder, which in turn, can make a woman feel too tired to even have sex in the evening.

Making sex life more intimate

If you’re one of the hundreds of people who claim they are ‘too tired’ for sex, here are some helpful ways to get your intimate life back on track:

Try to keep your stress level low. It’s easy to say ‘let’s have sex tonight’ when you’re too energetic and feeling good in the morning. But as the afternoon strikes, the day-long stress can just spoil your sex life. Wendy Sachs, the editor-in-chief of Daily Mail Online said moms tend to be selfless that they tend to care less about themselves because they used to put everyone else first. She recommends going out for a drink after work, taking a dance class, or chatting with a friend.

Sleep on time. Come up with a regular sleeping schedule. One problem with many couples is that once the kids are finally in bed and all the house works are done, they would immediately grab their iPad or laptop, watch TV, or do something else rather than lie on bed and make love with their better half. Going to sleep together on time will help get you both in the mood sooner or later.

It doesn’t have to be at night. Whether it’s a lunchtime quickie or morning sex, try it on a different schedule, suggests Levine. She added that some people are more aroused in the morning than at night. This helps if both of you always go home in the evening dead tired to even cuddle each other.


Sources of this article:

Too tired for sex: How over 60 per cent of working parents have decreased libido due to long hours at the office

Is your wife ’too tired’ for sex? Don’t worry - it’s probably just her faster circadian rhythm

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